Picking Up in Bars and Nightclubs


It’s pretty widely accepted that you are unlikely to meet anyone worthwhile on nightclub dance floors – at least no one especially datable. You’re sweaty, your judgment – and most likely theirs – is impaired. Crude come-ons stand in place of courting, and getting to know one another, which is often reduced to listening to them drunkenly ramble their life story, most often centering on past relationships.

Till now, I would have agreed. Up until now the logic has been as clear as that of one plus one equals two, that a late night text doesn’t mean he likes you, rather that he hasn’t found anyone else to sleep with within the hour (should he find someone, be ready for this message to be retracted).

But I’m no longer sure this logic is all it was made out to be. I’ve known relationships and bust ups. I’ve had the internal monologue – is it them? Is it me? I’ve written them off and I’ve kept them close to my heart. However there’s an emerging pattern that’s nagging at me, and so I’ve decided to take a look at my approach to dating with clear eyes. This means all practiced that dating methods are out the window!!!

No more dating guys who are more into me than I am into them in the hope my feelings would one day match theirs. No more delusions as to my attraction to close male friends, thinking that the right one could be just under my nose. In short, no more theories to explain why these guys might just be the one worth sitting it out for because they fit some imagined, perfect mould. It seems the dating gurus have let me down.

Despite going down the most recommended paths – meeting at a low key event among mutual friends, for instance – nothing has worked out, at least not for any length of time. So why not take on this last man standing – the firmly held belief that boozy, casual interaction holds no hope for a relationship down the line.

That long lasting relationships are based on initial flirtation, subsequent awkward conversation, and a slow, inevitable warming towards one another. Why not have fun? Why not go out to a bar, nightclub Tavern in Bellingham or pub where your night doesn’t mean orbiting around the “maybe man” of a first or third date, when you can have the chance to mix it up with a “random.”

Where you’re feeling relaxed and your capacities for conversation aren’t strangled by the bitterness of emotional baggage, self consciousness or that perpetual question mark, “Where is this going?” This is not an alcohol themed reworking of that theory that you’ll find the right man as soon as you stop looking. It’s about easing the pressure brought on by interminable, generational advice that in actual fact appears to confine us to stereotypes more so than anything else.

You’re more likely to end up with an anecdote than a fairy tale ending, but by all accounts there’s only supposed to be one of the latter, whereas a bar-time story has an unquenchable audience – you just can’t get enough. I for one would benefit from relieving my days of the pressure of keeping my eyes peeled for Mr Seemingly-Compatible, and just going out and having fun.


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